I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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