Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
