What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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