I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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