I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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