I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
