I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
