i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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