Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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