I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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