I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
