I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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