Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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