Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
