I have demons in me.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What a dumb baby whore.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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