dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
