Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
