I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
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Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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