By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
