Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
