We're facebook friends in real life
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
