And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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