he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
