Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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