i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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