Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
