Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
