We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
