it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
