do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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