i would punch a child for taco bell
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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