I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Too much gin, very little bucket
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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