So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
