Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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