New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
