I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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