i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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