we have officially lost it.
i think i have two assholes
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
