He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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