just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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