I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
