New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
