it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
