Pappa wants mamma naked
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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