i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
