I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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