I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
