He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
