i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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