Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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