Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
