his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
