Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
