Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
