your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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