Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
