He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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