yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
