I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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