I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
