I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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