I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Life is so much better after having sex.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
