I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
