So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
