Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
