you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
