idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
