HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
