I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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