You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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