I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
