so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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