Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
