thus making me awesome and them whores
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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