and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
