HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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