I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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