The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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