Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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