good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
