Barsexuality is the new black.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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