very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
