I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
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well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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