Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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