He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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