I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
