call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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