I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
