Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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